Precious Uloaku Amaechi
Dr.Vasquez
English 1A
June 29th 2025
Narcissism and Success
The world we know has changed in the last twenty years. From Myspace to Instagram, these changes have affected my generation in many ways, hindering their ability to make conscious decisions about their future.. about their success. The truth is that we still have a long way to go. Why? Narcissism. No, I am not talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am speaking about carrying narcissistic traits. In this essay, I will be sharing with you why I believe you don’t need to be narcissistic in order to be successful.
The truth is that a narcissist may be good at convincing you they’re fit for the job, but that doesn't equate to actually being fit for the job. In an article from the Association for Psychological Science, APS states,“(Narcissists) are usually very good in short-term situations when meeting people for the first time. But the impression they create quickly falls apart,” he said. “You soon realize that they are nowhere as good or as smart as they say they are.”(Is Narcissism Essential for Success,2014) This quote highlights that for many narcissists, they can easily trick you with charm when you first meet them, blinding you from realizing their weaknesses. This quote holds significance to me because it’s important to know the signs of encountering a narcissist before encountering one. Some people aren’t aware of the signs. To sum it up, narcissists aren’t good at creating long-term relationships due to their narcissistic tendencies.
Why must someone be exempt from carrying narcissistic tendencies? I mean, the whole world seems to praise those who are narcissists. Modern-day music celebrates narcissistic traits. This ranges from boasting about personal image to self-obsession. Narcissism can actually make you more lonely than popular. In an article from The Washington Post, Victoria Craw states, “A new study has cast people with narcissistic personality traits in a new light — as feeling more excluded than their peers and stuck in a behavioral doom loop they can’t easily escape.” (Victoria Craw,2025) This quote highlights that being a narcissist isn’t as glamorous as it seems. Behind the scenes, they’re suffering just as much as their peers. This quote holds significance to me because I was taught to think of narcissism as more about arrogance and self-importance, but rather it’s about feeling lonely and stuck. We were taught about narcissism a different way. To sum it up, carrying narcissistic traits can lead you to a lonely life.
What if I told you that there is a link between social media usage and narcissism? In an article from the National Library of Medicine, Silvia Casale and Vanessa Banchi state, “Grandiose narcissism and problematic Facebook use are positively associated.” This quote highlights that becoming a narcissist may be inevitable. Though many see narcissism as a preventable condition that can be avoided, this may not be a reality for millions of social media users. Narcissists who are social media users may be struggling to fit in while dealing with isolation. They equate their worth to the number of likes, views, and comments they receive. Their social media usage may expose their addiction to self-importance and validation. Their moods are altered based on how many people validated them online. This quote holds significance to me because we like to judge a narcissist for being a narcissist. Rather, we should show a bit of compassion and understanding towards their condition. I believe the first step in recovery is to first admit you are in fact in need of help. I think the world can be a bit mean, which is why many people who carry narcissistic traits can ignore support, even if they need it. To sum it up, social media makes a narcissist's life even harder because they are trying to live up to an image that simply doesn’t exist.
Although I don’t want to talk negatively about my mom, I think it’s best to talk about my childhood while living with someone who carries narcissistic traits. My mom likes to show off, even though she may not have much to show. She travels to Nigeria multiple times a year, to impress her relatives she was raised with, only to return to America to work her dreadful 9-to-5 job. I’m not talking down on traveling, as millions of Americans like to travel multiple times a year. The real issue is why my mother is so obsessed with her image in Nigeria when she doesn’t care about uplifting her immediate family in America. Growing up, my mom couldn’t afford to buy me my first bra, so I had to ask my father. This was embarrassing because although I love my father, he’s not the one who should be buying me my first bra. The truth was that my mom was more invested in keeping a positive image in Nigeria than prioritizing her children in America. This led to her business taking a huge hit. Customers in Nigeria didn’t have enough money to support her business long-term. They were intrigued in the beginning, but most Nigerians who live in Nigeria 24/7 don’t have the type of money to splurge on fancy clothes every day. This story highlights that for many people who carry narcissistic traits, they will prioritize their own personal image before putting family first. They care more about their reputation than how their immediate family views them. This story holds significance to me because I believe that family comes first before running any business. No matter how good or bad your family is, they’re a representation of who you are. Kids know when their parents show a lack of empathy. To sum it up, exhibiting narcissistic traits can greatly affect your relationship with your family, hindering your ability to become successful.
It’s important to know the difference between being narcissistic and having high self-esteem. A narcissist may think they’re successful in their field of work when, in actuality, they’re not. Working in groups can help you become more successful. In the book, The Narcissism Epidemic, Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell state,
“Narcissists also lack emotionally warm, caring, and loving relationships with other people. This is the main difference between a narcissist and someone merely high in self-esteem. The high self-esteem person who’s not narcissistic values relationships.” (Twenge, 2013) This quote highlights that successful people have healthy relationships with people. Narcissists are too busy worrying about themselves and their image, rather than protecting their relationships. This quote holds significance to me because a narcissist's inability to create healthy relationships is directly linked to the reason why they have trouble keeping relationships long-term. To sum it up, a narcissist doesn’t value relationships, while someone who exhibits high self-esteem does.
Narcissistic traits can appear in your life in so many different ways. For example, I had a friend who exhibited narcissistic traits. A couple of years ago, I made a blog with the incentive to bring myself closer to my friends. I didn’t know that my ex-best friend didn’t like what I was writing about. Instead of logging off, she talked poorly about my blog to her neighbors. She used the blog to spill all the tea about the toxicity of our friendship. What she didn’t know was that after she shared my blog, the neighbors showed interest in my blog. In fact, they were looking very entertained. Those neighbors ended up making her life a living hell. They were always arguing, stealing her clothes, and constantly reminding her to pay her bills. I’m not saying she deserved to be treated like that, but we need to understand the root of the problem. This story highlights that narcissists don’t know how to read the room. Talking poorly about someone you used to be “friends” with only leads to self-destruction. The root of the problem was the fact that her neighbor's first impression of her was that she was talking down on her own friend. This story holds significance to me because I am a student with a disability (schizophrenia), and I believe we deserve more respect from the people we trust. Narcissists have a tendency to disregard the feelings of other people, ignoring the pain that they cause other people. I didn’t just end the friendship because of how she viewed my blog; I ended it because of the lack of effort in the future of our friendship. She stopped reaching out to me and became distant. To sum it up, carrying narcissistic traits can lead to bad situations with those around you. You don’t need to behave a “certain” way around people who truly care about you on the inside.
As you can see, you don’t need to carry narcissistic traits in order to be successful. Each of my stories comes from a place of compassion, not hatred. Success is subjective, and unhappy millionaires exist. You don’t need to win the lottery to be happy, nor do you have to carry narcissistic traits. Life in my opinion, is about balancing the good with the bad. Practice healthy ways to promote yourself online, without exposing yourself in any way or fashion for more views and likes. Being your authentic self is a wonderful method for more productivity and longevity. Having good character works in your favor in the long run. I hope that my essay can convince you that being a narcissist isn’t the route that will favor you long-term. When women (men also) are kind, genuine, loving, and caring, that makes them more appealing than any Instagram “baddie” filter. Kindness wins the game long-term. I hope I proved to you that there is more to life than being outwardly narcissistic to those around you. In the current state of the world, we need more kind, warm-hearted spirits running through this world. Too many people are trying to fit a standard that wasn’t made for us in the beginning.
Work Cited
Casale, S., & Banchi, V. (2020). Narcissism and problematic social media use: A systematic literature review. Addictive Behaviors Reports, 11, 100252. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.abrep.2020.100252
Craw, V. (2025, February 20). Narcissists feel more excluded and experience ‘social pain,’ scientists say. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2025/02/20/narcissists-study-psychology-ostracism-exclusion/
APS. (n.d.). Is narcissism essential for success? Association for Psychological Science. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/minds-business/is-narcissism-essential-for-success.html
Twenge, J., & Cambell, K. (n.d.). The narcissism epidemic.
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